How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
