just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
