Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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