No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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