so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
A+ Viking dick
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
