So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
