Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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