don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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