I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
