just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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