when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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