Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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