she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
