Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize