I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize