I CAN MOONWALK!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
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no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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