hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
