Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
