SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
