I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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