college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
