I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
