Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
