My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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