Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
