Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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