You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
