a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
