I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
