he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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