So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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