Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
