i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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