i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
