brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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