I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
