So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
