stop calling my apartment porn island.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
