so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
