I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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