she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
