question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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