I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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