making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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