If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
