I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
