It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
