I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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