How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
