the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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