i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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