The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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