She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
