He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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