Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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