420 ftw
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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