I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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