hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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