he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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