the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
