Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
