I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
