My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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