i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am spending my child support on dildos
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
