I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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