Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
