I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
